Flower Fields

heart strings

2011-11-22T19:19:00.005-06:00

She walks along the shore,
her toes slipping into the wet sand.
The waves crash, singing out to her,
pulling on her heart strings,
and she thinks of him.
His green eyes, how her soul
gets lost in them.

The winds blow, swirling around her,
pulling on her heart strings,
and she thinks of him.
A dashing smile expressing
pure joy from deep within.

The boats drift, floating away from her,
pulling on her heart strings,
and she thinks of him.
His strong arms, how they hold her,
and keep her safe.

A seagull glides, soaring above her,
pulling on her heart strings,
and she thinks of him.
His sweet lips kissing her so softly,
butterflies dance in her soul.

With eyes closed, lost in memories,
she feels strong hands gently caress her.
She smells him. She senses him
pulling on her heart strings...

If Only She Would Have Stayed

2011-09-14T11:59:00.000-05:00

The love he had for her
   is still alive
The ashes are still smoldering
   from the hell she put him through
Her call stirred what was left
   in his heart for her
He loved her with a passion
   unlike he'd ever felt
When she left, his heart shattered
   like fragile glass
He couldn't sleep, couldn't eat
   but his friends pulled him through
He picked up the tiny pieces
   and pieced his life back together
But every time she calls
   her voice rattles his soul
His fragile heart breaks again
   his body longs for her touch
"What do you want from me?"
   he asks.
"Because I wanted you to stay
   but it's so easy for you to go.
I can't keep going through this.
   What do you want from me?"
If only she would have stayed...

(Inspired by "What Do You Want" by Jerrod Niemann)

2011-08-16T18:44:00.000-05:00

"Maybe I know somewhere
deep in my soul
that love never lasts.
And we've got to find other ways
to make it alone.
Or keep a straight face.
And I've always lived like this
keeping a comfortable distance.
And up until now I've sworn to myself
that I'm content with loneliness."

("The Only Exception" by Paramore)

She listens to Hayley sing how she's trying to protect herself from the hurt she witnessed as a child. The verse tugs at her heart with strings of truth. She finds herself putting up walls that are constantly torn down. They aren't assembled well. It's like she's thrown sticks of wood together to form a mini-barricade that blow away in the slightest wind. She can't stop herself from feeling. From feeling anything. Love. Bitterness. Joy. Bliss. Anger. Hurt. Pain.

Don't get her wrong; most of her life is happy. She's grateful for what she has, but sometimes little things hurt so badly that she wishes she was calloused again. It's no way to live, though--calloused. It eats away your soul and destroys everything lovely. It ruins relationships and hurts others.

She tries to convince herself that she's content with the loneliness of her empty home, but her heart can't bear the weight of missing him so much...

all settled in

2011-07-13T17:36:00.000-05:00

...well, almost. my living room is blue and decorated but there are piles of books on the floor because both of my bookshelves were broken in the move. my office/arts & crafts room is set up. one son's room is painted blue and decorated; the other still needs to be painted--he wants a jungle! i've got the sketch on the wall, at least. i need to practice on a canvas first, though. the fourth room has the other half of a bunk bed in broken pieces and a non-working tv, and my garage is lined with boxes that i've toted around for a decade!

i've got so much time on my hands, but i don't know what to do with it! i'll procrastinate the garage for another month, i think. i suppose i should just get this canvas out on my drafting table and get to work on this jungle. ROAR!

what a year this will be!

2011-04-12T15:52:00.003-05:00

Two thousand eleven is proving to be one of the most favorites years of my life!I'm moving back to TEXAS!

I have never been happier. I can't recall a time when I was this happy each and every day of my life. Oh, there have been moments when joy overflowed my heart, but they were fleeting moments that will forever remain in my heart and mind, but they do not get me through each day.

I am elated! I have high aspirations for what the rest of this year will bring. I hope to work on becoming fluent in at least one language. I hope to express myself through art. I hope to expand my horizons and continue to grow.

Etiquette is Key in Any Relationship

2010-07-07T15:07:00.004-05:00

Much has changed since my last post right at 2 years ago. I found myself at a crossroads back then and made a choice. And since then, I've been toiling with how I ended up where I am and why I am so much happier now than I was then.

After searching through books on relationships and self-improvement, I finally found one that made sense of my life: Essential Manners for Couples by Peter Post. I realized that I did what I could to be courteous to everyone and the person with whom I shared my life for 12 years could not--not only did he choose not to, but I really believe that he just could not do it. I've learned by reading this book (and I'm only halfway through it) that I need a relationship in which both parties are considerate, respectful, and honest with each other, as well as strangers they pass on the street. A couple is not just Jack and Jill, but also JackandJill (lack of spaces intentional). Their actions both as individuals and as a couple reflect on one another, and themselves as one entity.

I have since found that someone to be with who is considerate, respectful, and honest, as well as loving, kind, and expresses his gratitude often. Having this in my relationship may not be important to anyone else, but it is important to me and brings peace to my life, oh, so easily. I love him dearly.

I don't understand how or why I got to where I am today, but I am a better person for it.

God's will & the soul

2008-07-19T09:45:00.000-05:00

You know, God's will is usually not what we expected. He tends to surprise us with the unpredictable. And what we desire is sometimes not what He has for us. Thus producing the war that rages deep within. It's more than a battlefield in the mind; that's only one battle in the war. It's more than a battle in the heart, it's a war in the soul--in the deepest depths that pertain to every part of the soul. The soul is the life, the personality that God created and breathed into us. He foreknows the choices we'll make, even though He gives us the will to choose. His Spirit adds eternal life to the soul; without it, the soul is damned to eternal death.

i'll be alright

2008-07-17T15:02:00.003-05:00

"i drive myself crazy trying to stay out of my own way
The messes that I make
But my secrets are so safe
The only one who gets me
Yeah, you get me
It's amazing to me"
the words play over & over
as i continuously hit the start over button
"I come around all broken down and
Crowded out And you're comfort
Sometimes the place I go
Is so deep and dark and desperate
I don't know, I don't know"
the words ring loud and clear
"Sometimes I swear, I don't know if I'm comin' or goin'
But you always say something
Without even knowin'
That I'm hangin' on to your words
With all of my might and it's alright
Yeah, I'm alright for one more night"
'cause, Lord, every day, you save my life
through my friends
through the rain and thunder storms
through the flowers
through the waves crashing onto the shore
through the majestic mountains
help me, Lord, I pray
and I'll be alright...

(lyrics from "Every Day" by Rascal Flatts)

people pleaser

2008-07-17T00:50:00.002-05:00

To be a great leader is to be a people pleaser.

I am a people pleaser, but I must refine my people skills in order to come an effective leader. I desire to be the leader that people follow fearlessly. I choose to better myself and fight for what is right. I will do what it takes to bring my dreams to fruition.

life

2008-07-06T15:17:00.002-05:00

Life.
It can be hard at times.
And sometimes it's quite easy.
No matter how hard we try
some things weren't meant to change.
They were always meant to be.
"When life gives you lemons,
make lemonade," they say.
Well, I say be more creative
there's so much more to do with lemons.
To live is to have ups and downs
smiles & frowns
but those in life that you share them with
are what's important
they're what help you get through the night
live your life to the fullest
have no regrets
your choices have made you
who you are
and if you aren't happy with yourself
change will come and so will joy.
Just live.

little flower

2008-06-15T16:04:00.007-05:00

little flower, little flower

don't be sad

your leaves are brown

and your blooms have faded

are you thirsty

have a sip of my water

are you cold and lonely

i'll be your friend

here's some sunshine

there, that's better

look at you now

you're green again

and blooming again

but, wait

are you still sad

your blooms are drooping

they hang upside down

have a little more water

and a little more sunshine

i'll see you in the morning.

you take my breath away!

your petals are pink

and stand tall

you're smiling, i can tell

you make me smile

i'm so glad we're friends

little flower

one little puppy

2008-06-12T13:11:00.004-05:00

one little puppy sits and waits
she stares out the window
at the cars passing by
she watches the bees fly
and listens to the birds sing
but nothing brings a smile to her face
one little puppy sits and waits
she tries chasing her tail
but it's not as fun
she chews on her bone
and sniffs at the flowers
but they don't smell as sweet
one little puppy sits and waits
he hasn't come home yet
now the sun is fading
and the sky is growing dark
but wait! here he comes
she jumps for joy, barks & runs around
one little puppy sits at his feet
she's at his beck and call
he reaches out to pet her
she smiles deep inside
and gently licks his fingertips
she lays close never to leave his side

the eternal 29 realization

2007-03-13T15:33:00.000-05:00

Well, this is it. This is my last year at being "young" though it really seems "old" to be 29. Today is my birthday and I can't believe I am where I am today. Honestly, I thought I'd be living in Africa by now with 5 kids and a husband in a little hut, tending a farm, sharing God's greatness and seeing people's lives turned around for His glory.

Instead of that, I am in the Air Force learning something new, still awaiting the day when I can step onto blessed African soil. Don't get me wrong; I love my husband and boys, my friends and family, and the military, but I still dream of holding those African babies and witnessing God working in their lives. One day, I hope.

I haven't seen much in my life but here's a bit of what I have seen and/or experienced (not in order):

Ronald Reagan's inauguration
cassette tapes of 80's & 90's
CD's
PC that I had to program via a cassette tape and tape recorder plugged into my TV
AOL that charged like a million dollars a minute
LP's (brother's 100+ collection)
8 tracks
Atari
Nintendo
Nintendo 64
What PS & Xbox is out now...?
Had a Pinto that was nice.
Wished for a Probe.
Drove across TX in the "backseat" of an EXP.
Lord knows how many dogs...
...or even how many schools.
Been to New Zealand, Australia, and deep in Mexico.
Lived on both coasts of US and through 21 states (I think).
Climbed mountains
Swam in rivers
Swam in safe lakes
Swam in dirty water
Been in Gulf of Mexico, Pacific Ocean and Atlantic Ocean
gigantic car phones become a tiny thing that hangs on your ear
Helped 4 dogs give birth to wonderful puppies
Took a puppy with spina bifada to the vet
volunteered countless hours
gave birth to 2 wonderful boys
got married...still waiting for dream wedding and honeymoon
enlisted in the military
Have a great relationship with my God.

There are so many more things I could say but I know that each day and each year will only get better and better.

Thank you, Lord, for what you have blessed me with. I love my friends and family and sometimes take them for granted. Help me to be a blessing to them and to remember why they are in my life. You trusted me with their loyalty and love. You trusted me to do obey Your Word at this point in Your plan for Your people. Help me to exceed Your expectations, in Jesus' name...AMEN.

magnified maps

2007-02-01T16:40:00.000-06:00

Imagine waking up in a strange pasture with a headache strong enough to stop a train. You sit up to rub your eyes and face, groggilly (sp?) scratch your head and look all around you. You don't recognize anything except...*sniff*...Ugh, what is that smell? Ah, yes--cattle. You recall smelling it once when you were younger, driving for hours on end for that "wonderfully anticipated"--but secretly dreaded by all--family vacation. It was definitely a distinct odor that one could never forget.

You check your body and clothes for any signs of abuse, but you're perfectly clean and whole, except for that aweful headache.

Where am I? you think. "Obviously not in New York City!" you say outloud with a chuckle at an attempt to be humorous.

You slowly stand up and scope your surroundings a second time. Hearing a paper rustle in the soft, warm breeze, you stomp on it so as to catch it with your foot so wouldn't blow away. Carefully, you bend over and pick it up, holding it with both hands.

It's a map. But not just any map--not a map of the earth with a great big "you are here" sticker (dratz!); not a map of the US; not a map of a state. It looks like a map of some town magnified to what appears to be a 1000 times, viewing only a few Farm to Market and County Roads with lots of open space in between.

"These roads don't even have names--they're only numbers!" you shout. With a sigh of frustration, you try to recall everything your Daddy, boy/girl scout leader, teachers, and all those National Geophic Explorer magazines ever "taught" you.

You know you're on earth in some state that raises cattle and has Farm to Market Roads that intersect County Roads. There are no houses that you can see, no mountains, a few hills, and waves and waves of tall grass. You know how to read this map, but it doesn't help 'cause you have no idea where in America you assume you are. Frustrating!

Have you ever felt this way in life? At school, at church, at home, at Wal-Mart?

This same frustration is how I feel about Electronic Prinicples. I know what electrons are and the basic concept of electricity, but what the heck is that instructor talking about?? Impedance, hole flow theory, transistorized somethin'-er-others...arrrrgh!

Oh, well...this too shall pass...barely! :) *sigh*

*The photo was found via www.images.google.com at URL http://imagesource.art.com/images/-/David-Angell/Cow-Pasture-Poster-B12189627.jpeg.*

he is my life

2007-01-29T16:22:00.000-06:00

I have a little cowboy. Every move he makes, every funny little thing he says, every time he says, "Mama, I luh you," my heart melts and then swells with passion. He is my life.

I also have a little X-treme athlete. Everytime he leaps from the highest branch, everytime he puts together a new invention or concoction, everytime he surprises me with his incredible talents, my breath escapes me and a lump forms in the back of my throat, my eyes fill with tears. I choke them back and, smiling, hugh him and say, "Well done, son." He is my life.

I have a Texican. He's a great man who cares for me and quite literally gives his life for me day by day. There's no one else who will ever love me the way he does. I would do anything for him. He is my life.

I have a Savior, a Lord, a Friend. He spoke just the right words to cut straight to my heart that affect day after day after day. He sings for me, and gives me flowers. He hugs me with a whirl of the wind and whispers to me as He brushes by. He gave His life for me so that I may live. I may choose to make certain choices that benefit my children and husband, but none of those compare to the choices I make for my God. Day by day my life reflects His image, His glory and grace. Breath by breath I convey His message to the world. Because of this, I choose blessing. He is my life.

(Deut 30:19-20)

just breathe

2006-12-11T15:16:00.000-06:00

the more i seek you, the more i find you
the more i find you, the more i love you

i wanna sit at your feet, drink from the cup in Your hand
lay back against You and breathe, feel Your heartbeat
this love is so deep, it's more than i can stand
i melt in your peace, it's overwhelming

The above is a song by Zach Neese. It's so moving. I listen to it several times before bed every night. I love God so much and can't help but trust Him in what He's doing in my life. There are so many things I see Him in every day...it's overwhelming when you think about it.

To be able to just lay back, take a deep breath, and to feel His heartbeat. That is the strength of my life. Just breathe...

what may come

2006-12-05T12:40:00.000-06:00

what may come
of the changes suddenly dropped in my lap?
what may come
of the life that unfolds before me?
what may come
in the very near future?
what may come
is opportunity.
what may come
is new connections and covenants.
what may come
is life.

he is yours

2006-09-07T07:36:00.000-05:00

My son started Kindergarten Tuesday. I can't believe how fast these last 5 years have flown by. I had 5 years to lay the foundation upon which he will build his life. I still have a lot of work to do, but I can see that the foundation is a good one. He loves God, and Jesus, and going to church. He's an extreme athlete, not much for organized teams sports, although he loves soccer. But I think that soccer was a phase simply because his cousin played it for a little while; he adores her.
He's so mature sometimes that I forget he is only 5 and I don't know how to respond when he acts differently. I need to step up to the plate and provide him a better learning environment at home so that he will be at his best school.
Lord, help me to be the best mom that he deserves. Give me wisdom to guide him to You and to know what he needs even before it shows.
You are so wonderful, Lord. I will keep my promise I made to You...He is Yours.

ignite

2006-07-28T15:15:00.000-05:00

Ignite. What a strong word. It is the name of the youth ministry at our church, of which I am a leader--the teacher. Since I became one of the youth leaders, every lesson I teach goes back to getting to know God and studying the Word. It seems I'm always encouraging them to really dig in. Our pastor began a series on obedience; so did we. I really want them to see how important it is to study for themselves what the pastor teaches.

As I was praying just now, I wondered why we chose Ignite as our title, so I did a little research on dictionary.com.

"To cause to burn." "To set fire to."
"To subject to great heat, especially to make luminous by heat."
"To arouse the passions of; excite."
"To begin to burn." "To begin to glow."

Hmmmm...luminous...?

"Emitting light, especially self-generated light."
"Full of light; illuminated." "Easily comprehended; clear."
"Enlightened and intelligent; inspiring."

Wow! Those kids are all of these things! Now, I just need a little salt...

"But John intervened: 'I'm baptizing you here in the river. The main character in this drama, to whom I'm a mere stagehand, will ignite the kingdom life, a fire, the Holy Spirit within you, changing you from the inside out. He's going to clean house—make a clean sweep of your lives. He'll place everything true in its proper place before God; everything false he'll put out with the trash to be burned.'" Luke 3:16 MSG

Ignite the glory of God within you so that it will shine brightly for all the world to experience.

promises.

2006-07-21T18:47:00.000-05:00

healing. prosperity.love.companions.children.
spouse.favor.eternity.trust.truth.blessings.forgiveness.selfcontrol.
gentleness.kindness.holyspirit.power.future.hope.morethanmyweelittlebraincouldeverimagine.
all mine...with obedience...

change

2006-07-06T06:47:00.000-05:00

change. that is probably the most hated word no matter what language you speak it. i don't mind it, though...well, most of the time.
i made a really tough decision to quit one job and am in the middle of getting into a different one, none of which is the one i really wanted.
but that's not why i'm writing. i recently met a young lady who has experienced a change in plans. many things bombarded her at once, resulting in what seemed like the worst week in her life. she had a purpose, and a plan to go with it, but persevering seemed virtually impossible. it made me think: how would i react if i was that close to going to AFRICA and CHANGE hit me like train?
I know my purpose. I know I could persevere, but it's the plan that gets me. Am I making the right choices? Have I missed the mark somewhere? How do I know that I am in the right place at the right time?
These questions run through my mind a lot but then something awesome, amazing happens...GOD!
He steps in at the right time to reassure me that His plan, His purpose, His perseverance is working in my life. I have this puzzle box with a picture of what all these little pieces will someday be. One by one, they fall into place. Occasionally someone will stop by to help me, to guide me, to distract me, but I know I have all the pieces, even the ones that are no where to be found--because they're under another piece. But they're there.

i will

2006-06-19T17:38:00.000-05:00

Purpose. Plan. Perseverance.
These are words my Pastor emphasized this past weekend at church and will expound on them over the next several weeks. He talked about Joseph and how he went from the pit to the prison to the palace, not only to provide for Joseph and his family (the Israelites), but for the bigger picture--to provide for all of mankind for eternity.
I thought about how this applies to the purpose and plan God has for me and my family, and what the much bigger picture is. Since I was in Kindergarten, I've known that I am a teacher. Since I was 14, I've known that my destiny is East Africa: Kenya, Uganda, and Tanzania. I've had visions, dreams, and prophecies concerning the ministry God wants me to do for Him there.
BUT It feels like it's taking F-O-R-E-V-E-R!
Hebrews 10:35-39 says, "So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what He has promised. For in just a very little while, 'He who is coming will come and will not delay. But my righteous one will live by faith. And if he shrinks back, I will not be pleased with him.' But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who believe and are saved."
I will persevere! I will keep my focus on the prize in the end and live day-to-day, listening, waiting, and obeying what He says to do. I will fulfill the plan and purpose He has for me. I will press on, even though I may not know every detail. I will heed Him as He says to me, "Remember My promises, keep My commandments, and you will prosper and fulfill all that I have for you."
I will persevere.

Mom, Remember When...?

2006-05-11T09:21:00.000-05:00

I remember when we lived in Scottsdale for my 10th birthday; you gave me my first perm.
I remember when we lived in Houston and you went to the store without me; I cried for what seemed like hours.
I remember when we lived in California; you took me down the boardwalk to get my first set of bangs.
I remember the night the power went out; we all played Risk for hours.
I remember when I brought my boyfriend home from TBI; you called him your "Messi-can."
I remember us living with you; you taught him how to crochet and he has made a blanket for each boy since then.
I remember you living with us; you crawled on the floor with your ten month-old grandson making car-crashing sounds.
I remember playing the Atari; your favorite game was shooting down the aliens.
I remember playing that old Nintendo; you would move your feet to where you wanted to drop the Tetris tiles!
I remember everything about you.
I know you're still there, buried beneath the Alzheimer's.
I wish you knew where we are so you could come visit us and we could take you to the beach where you could play with your grandsons and son-in-law in the sand.
I wish you could read this letter I am writing for you.
Remember me...
Remember me...?

grace

2006-04-07T21:51:00.000-05:00

Favor, mercy, elegance.
Pardon, privilege, clemency.
Favor rendered by one who need not so.
Divine love and protectionbestowed freely on people.
State of being protected or sanctified by the favor of God.
These are words attempting to define as per a dictionary.
But I say it's more than that.
Grace is getting what you don't deserve.
Grace is salvation.
Grace is God's love and compassion.
Grace is...grace.

i didn't need to...

2006-03-09T07:56:00.000-06:00

The first week of March 2006, was a difficult week for us. My husband went on a ski trip to West Virginia with a group of men from our church...no signal to anyone's cell phone, save one man's: John. We don't normally trust anyone enough to take care of our children in our absence, so letting my "Mr. Mom" husband leave for a few days was tough, but he needed it. I know; I was a SAHM (stay-at-home-Mom) for a few years.

So, I'm at work and had just completed a review for a major test for certification when low and behold, I get what was described as a "frantic phone call from someone who sounds just like (me)." My whole being felt as though it sank as I said, "That's my babysitter." I picked up the line and she said that my 3 year-old had an accident and to not panic; he wasn't crying, but the ambulance was on its way.

What?! I nearly dropped the phone.

My sons have (had) this really cool kid-sized punching bag hanging from the ceiling on a hook in their room. The rules were: 1) Punch the bag only; 2) Don't hang or swing on it; 3) Don't hit it so hard that it knocks the items off the windowsill.

What do you think happened? Which rule was broken? #2.

My 3 year-old, in the presence of the babysitter and his brother, mind you--and you know how quick kids can be!--was punching the bag and then decided to hang on it. Doing so caused the hook-screw to fall from the ceiling and pop his eyeball! Seven hours later, he was in his little bed in the hospital after receiving 15 stitches on his globe.

What would you do? How would you react to that situation?

I surprised myself and everyone around me!

I remained calm and immediately began to contact the closest family to me: my church. They encouraged me, prayed for us, and 2 ladies stayed with me all night at the hospital until my husband arrived. Thoughts of blame ravaged through my brain as I struggled with whose fault it was: If that lady hadn't backed out...or I shouldn't have let him go skiing...or Was she even paying attention; telling the truth? But I knew that no one was at fault. In fact, the babysitter called her mom to bring her cell phone charger in case she needed to call 911.

After I made initial calls to people I could trust, I finally knew what to pray for myself and my family. As soon as I did, an awesome peace comforted my soul and I knew that everything was going to be great--not fine, but great! I could have blamed God and asked, "Why didn't you protect his eye? Prevent the screw from falling in his eye?!"

But I didn't need to.

My God is love; He's full of grace and mercy. Healing flows from His wings. In Him, we live, and move, and have our being. There is no one like Him. I can't explain why things happen the way they do. God doesn't need us to explain Him; He needs us to trust in Him, to love Him, knowing that nothing will happen to us where there is no way out, nor more than we can handle.

Do you know Him?

days go by

2006-01-30T18:31:00.000-06:00

as the days go by
i can't help but ponder
of the things past
and things down yonder.
as the days go by
i sit and study
wishing i was
out with my buddy.
as the days go by
i think of the roses,
the potholes, and all
that life imposes.
as the days go by,
often lost in dreaming,
i think of the lives i care for
and their eyes gleaming.
as the days go by,
the Holy Spirit speaks,
"spend time with Me
and you'll rise atop peaks."
as the days go by,
i pray that you will see
this Life i live was meant for you
and not only for me.

illustrated lessons

2005-12-27T07:04:00.000-06:00

There's no point in denying that stories are told in order to teach lessons, but what lessons are those stories teaching us? And is that what the author intended when it was written?
A couple of years ago, in a reading class I was taking in order to fulfill a credit for my Early Childhood Education degree, I learned a little about children's stories and the awards the authors and illustrators could win. One Caldecott winner we read was The Polar Express by Chris Van Allsburg. This story was recently made into a motion picture.
It is a story about a boy who, at a crucial age in his life, is trying to decide on whether or not to continue to believe in Santa Claus and all its grandeur. It is a journey of faith, imagination, and adventure. At the climax, when the children finally arrive at the North Pole, three of them (including the boy) get separated from the group and must find their way back to where Santa, all the elves, and the other children are. Two of them can hear the sleigh bells, yet the main character cannot. They follow this musical sound back to where everyone else is. The little boy even sees the bells jingling on the reindeer yet cannot hear them ringing. Then, all the elves sing "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" as he appears. The little boy is the only one who can't see him through the crowd.
As the reindeer prance, one bell comes loose and lands at his feet, silent to his ears only. He picks it up and shakes it. Nothing. He looks at it, closes his eyes and says, "I believe," several times until he himself believes what he is saying. He slowly brings the bell close to his ear and gently shakes it. Jingling-ling!
To his own amazement, as he is lost in his discovery, he hears a deep, loving voice speak to him from behind, "What did you say?"
Needless to say, he receives the first gift of Christmas: the silver sleigh bell. And the whole adventure happened while the clock showed 5 till midnight, never advancing until he came home. As he grows up, his friends eventually lose the ability to hear the bell, even his little sister. But he does not; even at an old age, he can still hear the bell ring.
What an amazing reminder of our love for God! How fascinating the stories of old are when we are young. Even on the other hand, we despise Him out of ignorance, yet upon discovering the truth, we believe. The goose bumps, the butterflies in our stomachs, the anticipation of church, worship and prayer! Yet somehow along the way, it loses its magic, its enchantment that once held our attention so firmly.
We begin to sleep in on Sunday morning, or set aside the Bible for reading after our favorite TV show, and then another, and another, till we forget where we put it. How easy it becomes to unintentionally put our relationship with Him on the back burner.
Then, one night, as we lie in wait of a miracle, He shows up in our front yard with the Heavenly Express, and calls out to us, "All aboard!" enticing us with adventures to explore, stories to be told, relationships to be made, and lessons to be learned. All without losing a minute of time!
Just like this little boy chose to believe in the Spirit of Christmas, let us choose to continue to believe in the miraculous power of God's love for us. He gave the ultimate sacrifice so that you and I could have an intimate relationship with Him for eternity. A relationship filled with excitement, danger, safety, and love, and so much more!
How great our God is! I have chosen to serve Him with my whole life...do you?

no time was lost

2005-12-15T05:34:00.000-06:00

People often wonder why things happen in life the way they do. They hope for the best, but only slightly better happens; or great things happen for them and they feel they don't deserve it. I often wonder these very things.
"I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you a hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11) He tells this to His people in the midst of life's struggles. It's the same with parents: they have the best plans for their children and know they will one day get there, but things happen along the way--unexpected things--and they think that all is lost. The Lord does not see it this way.
He allows us to make our own choices. These choices lead to different ways of getting to where we need to be. And where is that exactly? Good question. For me, it's being involved in ministry, serving people (including my family), knowing I am making a difference in someone else's life. For you, it may be different. But all the same, we belong in the plan that He has for us.
In The Chronicles of Narnia: the Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, I believe C.S. Lewis is trying to communicate this very thing. In the end, Aslan sacrifices his life and does whatever it takes so that all 4 children may take their rightful place on the throne. They reign and then the most astonishing thing happens: they are lead back to the wardrobe, of which they had long forgotten, and are sent back to the moment they left the wardrobe. No time was lost.
It is the same when we spend time with God, building a relationship with Him, growing at phenomenal rates, however, never losing a moment of time. Often, we forget where we came from. But it is important to go back to when we first opened the wardrobe door, to when we first experienced His presence, and found ourselves in an exciting land filled with awe and wonder. Those moments are the most precious and must never be forgotten. They must be revisited, for it is those moments that intrigued us that will intrigue others, bringing them to a place where they may experience it for themselves.

the door

2005-12-06T20:52:00.000-06:00

In preparation for--and anticipation of--the upcoming film, my family has been reading The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis. It is really a fascinating story about 4 children who live in a huge house in England with a Professor. I won't write much about the story 'cause 1) I don't like to ruin the ending, and 2) I haven't finished it yet.
I will mention something that has jumped out at me, though. In the first few chapters, Lewis consistently reiterates the fact that sensible people would never be so foolish as to completely close the wardrobe door so as not to be trapped inside. This particular wardrobe is a doorway to whole other world: Narnia. If the door is open, it is rather easy to find one's way back to "reality"; however, if the door is closed, it is quite challenging to return.
I can't help but to follow the parallel this story has with Christianity. How can we experience the awe and wonder of the spiritual side of our lives and never return to "reality" in order to share such an awesome experience with others.
The Narnia in our lives is a place of beauty not free from trials and our experience there can help us overcome obstacles in the real world. And it's not just the experience we obtain, but the thought of knowing that a place exists where we can escape to and not waste a minute of real time.
That is what we have with the Lord. He is a place of refuge we can run to; He's our friend and the lover of our souls. No one understands us the way He does and the experiences we share with Him can be shared with others. So, when you spend time with Him, be sensible; don't be foolish and close the door.

another candle

2005-11-30T11:55:00.000-06:00

5 years ago today, my life changed drastically. My son was born. My how time flies! I can't believe he turns five today. And he's so brilliant! I know what you're thinking: All mothers say that about their children. But it's true. He remembers everything and he learns so fast. It's hard to keep up with him.
So, there we were at Wal-Mart, buying stuff for his party on the cake aisle. I was looking at the candles, trying to decide if we should use the "5" digit candle or 5 individual candles. I asked him what he thought as I held up the box of candles versus the "5". You could see the gears grinding in his little mind as he thought about this important decision.
"How many candles are in the box?" he asked.
"10," I replied.
He thought some more and then said, "If I use the 10 candles, will I be 10 and not 5?" My husband and I looked at each other and laughed.
Wouldn't it be great if the number of candles on the cake actually meant we were that age? One year we'd be 29, then the next 29, and the next 29. Or we could subract years, too.
Another candle on the cake isn't that bad. At least it's only one at a time!

bugles

2005-11-28T09:01:00.000-06:00

I began this year with a drastic change: I enlisted in the military. Having spent several weeks in "bootcamp" and several months in tech school, I find myself this early morning in a tower in a state where I have never been. At 0600, I heard the famous tune from a bugle over the speakers: tu tun da dun tu da dun ta tun...I nearly jumped from my chair and began the ritual of getting dressed--something I haven't done in months!
It's amazing how something stays with you for so long, even when you don't realize it. Kinda like God's word. You read it, memorize it, meditate on it and move on to the next scripture. Down the road, life happens. Up springs a well of scripture you thought you had forgotten. You may not be able to quote it word for word or the address but you know it.
"Put the word in ya when you don't need it so it will be there when you do." That's what a great teacher always said. I'm glad I was there to listen.