heart strings

She walks along the shore,
her toes slipping into the wet sand.
The waves crash, singing out to her,
pulling on her heart strings,
and she thinks of him.
His green eyes, how her soul
gets lost in them.

The winds blow, swirling around her,
pulling on her heart strings,
and she thinks of him.
A dashing smile expressing
pure joy from deep within.

The boats drift, floating away from her,
pulling on her heart strings,
and she thinks of him.
His strong arms, how they hold her,
and keep her safe.

A seagull glides, soaring above her,
pulling on her heart strings,
and she thinks of him.
His sweet lips kissing her so softly,
butterflies dance in her soul.

With eyes closed, lost in memories,
she feels strong hands gently caress her.
She smells him. She senses him
pulling on her heart strings...

If Only She Would Have Stayed

The love he had for her
   is still alive
The ashes are still smoldering
   from the hell she put him through
Her call stirred what was left
   in his heart for her
He loved her with a passion
   unlike he'd ever felt
When she left, his heart shattered
   like fragile glass
He couldn't sleep, couldn't eat
   but his friends pulled him through
He picked up the tiny pieces
   and pieced his life back together
But every time she calls
   her voice rattles his soul
His fragile heart breaks again
   his body longs for her touch
"What do you want from me?"
   he asks.
"Because I wanted you to stay
   but it's so easy for you to go.
I can't keep going through this.
   What do you want from me?"
If only she would have stayed...


(Inspired by "What Do You Want" by Jerrod Niemann)

"Maybe I know somewhere
deep in my soul
that love never lasts.
And we've got to find other ways
to make it alone.
Or keep a straight face.
And I've always lived like this
keeping a comfortable distance.
And up until now I've sworn to myself
that I'm content with loneliness."

("The Only Exception" by Paramore)

She listens to Hayley sing how she's trying to protect herself from the hurt she witnessed as a child. The verse tugs at her heart with strings of truth.  She finds herself putting up walls that are constantly torn down. They aren't assembled well. It's like she's thrown sticks of wood together to form a mini-barricade that blow away in the slightest wind. She can't stop herself from feeling.  From feeling anything. Love. Bitterness. Joy. Bliss. Anger. Hurt. Pain.

Don't get her wrong; most of her life is happy. She's grateful for what she has, but sometimes little things hurt so badly that she wishes she was calloused again.  It's no way to live, though--calloused. It eats away your soul and destroys everything lovely. It ruins relationships and hurts others. 

She tries to convince herself that she's content with the loneliness of her empty home, but her heart can't bear the weight of missing him so much...

all settled in

...well, almost.  my living room is blue and decorated but there are piles of books on the floor because both of my bookshelves were broken in the move.  my office/arts & crafts room is set up.  one son's room is painted blue and decorated; the other still needs to be painted--he wants a jungle!  i've got the sketch on the wall, at least.  i need to practice on a canvas first, though.  the fourth room has the other half of a bunk bed in broken pieces and a non-working tv, and my garage is lined with boxes that i've toted around for a decade!

i've got so much time on my hands, but i don't know what to do with it! i'll procrastinate the garage for another month, i think.  i suppose i should just get this canvas out on my drafting table and get to work on this jungle.  ROAR!

what a year this will be!

Two thousand eleven is proving to be one of the most favorites years of my life!I'm moving back to TEXAS!

I have never been happier. I can't recall a time when I was this happy each and every day of my life. Oh, there have been moments when joy overflowed my heart, but they were fleeting moments that will forever remain in my heart and mind, but they do not get me through each day.

I am elated! I have high aspirations for what the rest of this year will bring. I hope to work on becoming fluent in at least one language. I hope to express myself through art. I hope to expand my horizons and continue to grow.